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Jessica

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LMAO! [30 Jun 2009|01:03pm]
cherry feel the pain

[23 Oct 2008|03:32am]
HI EVERYONE! Who's on myspace?? I need mafia members! LOL I am obsessed with this game, and no one will add it. Do YOU have a myspace? Do YOU want to be on my mafia list? PLEASE!
2 piercings cherry feel the pain

[07 Sep 2008|03:09am]
I HATE HEARTBURN! UGH!
cherry feel the pain

[03 Sep 2008|04:46pm]
The other night, I got a call while I was working. The old man asked me to help him, he had questions. So he asked his questions, I told him I did not handle that issue and gave him the number he could call. So then he starts explaining why he called this number, and how he'd called a few hospitals who told him to call us, and how he had liver problems. And then he started telling me about his father, and fireflies, and I tried to tell him, I have other calls to take, but he was just going on and on. Finally, he came to a lull and I interrupted with, It's been a pleasure but my supervisor is standing here and I must get back to helping other callers. He IGNORED me! I'm like, I'm sorry sir, can you hear me, while he just keeps going on and on about his dad and beer and bugs. Then he says, Oh I understand. Then he says, You must be blonde, I liek blondes, I like Britney. What color hair do you have? LOL I should not have answered him, but I did, then he proceeds to tell me, That's okay, I had a love affair with Princess Diana, and how he had a son by Camille, and how his father is the lead singer of lynard skynard, but not to tell anyone. And that his father got run over by a car and lost his leg. Then as we're saying goodbye, he goes off on a tangent about how he hopes I don't believe there are 3 gods, that some people think Joseph and Mary are gods but it was only Jesus that was crucified. Needless to say, the call lasted 12 minutes, and I sincerely hope I don't get in trouble for it. I was interjecting with I have to go, I'm sorry sir, but he just kept ignoring me.

I felt bad though. My mom told me that her supervisors encourage you to talk to the people because you could be the first and ONLY person they'll talk to ALL DAY. So I let him go for a bit, but then it got out of hand and I couldn't end the call. But I did feel bad. If it wasn't against company policy, I probably would have let him ramble a lot more.
cherry feel the pain

Too lazy to upgrade to plus account, so here's a faux poll. [04 Jul 2008|11:02pm]
Now without full disclosure of what it is you are all voting for, please give your opinion on the following matter.

If you had to pick one color, which would you pick.

-Pink
-Green
-Blue
-Red
-Other color (post what color)

I am cross posting this to myspace, and by tomorrow afternoon I should know the results.

Thanks!
2 piercings cherry feel the pain

[10 Mar 2008|08:56pm]
Perfect fabric, just under 6 dollars, shipping is over 7. Is it worth it? I can't find it anywhere else, it's a great price, 1.99 a yard, but shipping is 7 dollars and I'm not sure if I should get it. Thoughts?
2 piercings cherry feel the pain

So, who here wants to be tortured into insanity?? [02 Feb 2008|01:40am]
Go here, and then get committed like Brit!!
2 piercings cherry feel the pain

HEY! [05 Dec 2007|03:31pm]
Wow, I haven't been able to sign on without the computer freezing, I thought I would never have lj again!
4 piercings cherry feel the pain

New computer!! [11 Nov 2007|11:58am]
I got a new computer yesterday, woot, which means I can post pictures!! Now, be warned, I have not been able to post pictures for about 5 months now, so any and all picture posts will probably be heavy. That being said, I have none right this moment, I'm downloading the software onto the computer as we speak, er, read? That's my story, it's a good one, and I'm sticking to it.
cherry feel the pain

[17 Oct 2007|09:21pm]
Oh yeah, Ocean is trying to crawl. He scoots up onto his knees and jumps back and forth until he moves either forward or backwards, but it's mostly backwards. He's gotten quite a few jumps forward, but they're almost always followed by several jumps backwards. NO! I'm not ready for him to start crawling. Wasn't he just born?
cherry feel the pain

[04 Oct 2007|08:35pm]
I have been thinking. I am very upset that while I was in labor and my contractions had stopped, Harmony, my mom, Jason, everyone basically, was in the living room talking. They were discussing transferring to the hospital, what would happen there, etc. I walked in and they kinda hushed, then my mom said something and they started talking about it with me. I told my mom recently I was angry that they were so deceitful and went behind my back like that. She said Harmony could tell I was getting upset and she didn't know how to approach me. Part of me wants to talk to Harmony about this. I don't know what I would say, I just feel like she was such a huge role in the way things turned out, that she didn't give me a choice, she made up her mind what needed to be done and as she said to me was waiting for me to "come to terms with the fact" that I needed to transfer. I feel like she should have taken a step and maybe asked if there was another doctor able to take me after dr heortz said I was a trainwreck and he had to save her mess. I feel like she shouldn't have sat quietly in the room while the doctor told me this is what had to be done, and that I needed this monitor and that monitor. I feel like she should have done more and not just stood there letting all my dreams go to the operating room. I feel a bit unjustified in being angry at her or feeling that she didn't do her job, but part of me says, YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY! I just don't know. I need to talk about this. Maybe a therapist would be a good idea. I wis I could wake up and feel great about what happened. I wish I could lie to myself, not cry and feel like a failure. I wish I could have my memory erased, only having pictures to look back on. In the pictures, I see myself throughout labor, then next thing you know, there is my son, all cute and white. I wish I could pretend like ebverything went perfect. Even more so, I wish I didn't have 4 months of recovery. Why is it that so many women say they aren't traumatized and those that are are selfish, yet they get to heal from their c-sections in 2 weeks, yet I was sad, depressed and disappointed, and I had an open wound for 4 months. How is that fair?? Why couldn't the fucking happy ones get the long drawn out fucking healing time?? Why did I have to suffer emotionally and physically?? It just doesn't make sense, and it isn't fucking fair. I swear, if one more person says I was lucky to get the c-section to avoid pain, I might fucking explode, killing us both. 4 fucking months of an open wound that I had to clean and sutff with gauze is far from a breeze. I would take 18 labors in a row, with tearing and 8 headed babies coming out then have to fucking go through one c-section. Too late for that one, but a second, never. I can't do it. It is worth the risk, because I want another child, but I am not going to say that I need a c-section because I had one already. The risks are too high?! Oh yeah, c-sections are a walk in the fucking park. You heal really fast, the pain goes away pretty quickly, life goes back to normal by 6 weeks. My fucking ass! Let them experience what I went through, please! It is not fair I am judged for being upset, yet their experience was nowhere near mine. Let them go through what I did, feel what I felt, let them live those four months what I went through. When I told the doctor I was in a lot of pain, well I don't feel anything abnormal going on. I couldn't even get a new prescription for the pain. And my wound was open for 4 months. They could stick wooden sticks and gauze in my abdomen, but they couldn't give me fucking percocet to kill the pain. Thanks doctors, you sure do help your patients!
cherry feel the pain

I really wanna know my baby [30 Sep 2007|06:29pm]
Life has been soooo slow today. What gives? Ocean has been I don't know the word, well behaved? He is just hanging out with Daddy, and I am enjoying this. I got to take a shower this morning, all by myself. When was the last time I got to shower by myself? I don't even know. It was so lovely, I even SHAVED. Wow! Now you know I had too much time on my hands today. I even got to play a little mario. What is up with Jason today? I feel like I'm being set up for something, there is no way he is being helpful with good intentions. :D He must have had some sort of conversation with Ocean and they decided to drive me insane by being too sweet. Haha.

I put my iso up, but I doubt anyone is going to respond. So sad. Maybe I should search for simon instead of the oopa. I really want that sling though. Eh, I need to start working. I need to find something to do.

I want to move out. But then I feel bad. Leaving my mom here all by herself? I can't do it, as much as I want my own house with my own stuff and being able to do as I please, god I want it, I just can't leave my mommy. I don't want to. Eh, I can't leave now anyway, no reason to fret about it.

Life is perfect for now. Ocean seems to be getting better. His two little teeth are killing me, he looks like he's getting too old already. Wasn't he just born??
cherry feel the pain

Sleeping with the enemy [22 Sep 2007|12:30am]
I think Jason isn't in love with me anymore. I look in his eyes, and I just don't see it, I don't feel it. I feel like he just bides his days in this house, waiting for death, or Joy, whichever comes first.

I'm stupid. I just can't get it out of my head. I wish I could get past it, but for some reason I'm ALWAYS wondering. He's asleep, I'll look at him and think, Is he dreaming of her? We'll be having sex, my thoughts often turn to, Was she better? Does he wish he was with her right now? Did he love her more?

It's driving me fucking insane. Batshit fucking insane.

When we're happy, I say to myself, Is he pretending? Does this remind him of her? When we're fighting, I say, I bet they never fought all the time like us.

I want to know soo badly. I need to hear the honest true answers, I want to be a fly on the wall and know that he doesn't still think of her. But that of course opens the possibility that he does feel all these things I fear. That he does miss her, love her, regret losing her. As much as I say I want to know the truth, I want to hear that it's only me, that I've made his life perfect and he is so glad they didn't work out because it left him available for me.

I need to be able to sleep in our bed without wondering if he wishes she was in my place. I need to be able to touch him without wondering if he is thinking that she gave better kisses, or that she always knew what to do to make everything perfect.

Why do I put her on this fucking pedastal?? She cheated on him. She left him. Him and I have been through sooo much shit, and I could have left him a thousand times over, I could have cheated even more, but I said no. I thought of him. I love him too much to do that to him, even when I wanted to leave him.

So, what says you, oh wise flist?? How do you put the demons to rest?
2 piercings cherry feel the pain

[18 Sep 2007|02:59pm]
I've been pumping from both breats for the last 15-20 minutes and I only have an ounce. I have to leave to get Jason, will be gone almost 2 hours. Sad. I remember being able to pump 4 ounces like it was nothing. I think he's sleeping. My mom and him have been in his room since I started pumping. I give up.

How hard would it be to nurse twins? Possible to nurse twins while nursing an older child as well??
3 piercings cherry feel the pain

Play with me!! [12 Sep 2007|06:31pm]
[1] Pick 12 of your favorite movies.
[2] Then pick one of your favorite quotes from each movie.
[3] Post the quotes in your journal.
[4] Have those on your friends list guess what the movie is.
[5] Strike out the quote once it has been correctly identified.

1. "I have to warn you, I've heard relationships based on intense experiences never work."
2. "We knew the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love, and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them."
3. "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."
4. "If I catch you looking at another man like that ever again, you'll be watching sports... the whole weekend!"
5. "You just spent two hours dying your hair exactly the same color!"
6. "You'll shoot your eye out."
7. "Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!"
8. "All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it... or a small hose... as long as it works."
9. "I am very fortunate to have a lady friend who just happens to have an Adam's Apple."
10. "Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you can come up with another clever idea to get us all killed - or worse, expelled."
11. "You'd think a bit of snogging would cheer her up!"
12. "You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey!"
12 piercings cherry feel the pain

[10 Sep 2007|07:33pm]
So I've been searching fsot on tbw, and I found 2 peacock oopas that were sold for 75 and 85 dollars! Here's to hoping that I can find a deal in a few weeks. 85 dollars!! Fucking insane!!!!!!!!! Jason can't say no!! PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET IT!

Haha, I'm totally insane, and obsessed. I haven't even searched for the didy on there yet. I didn't realise before that you can post to buy before the 30 days/posts. I thought I couldn't buy before then either. Gotta search. Jason and MY MOM both think I'm insane. I just really want them. I see this being a huge, neverending collection of mine. I just like it, and it's not like the pretty yarns and fabrics I buy that will never be used, these come ready to go, and I can use them over and over without getting bored. My maya is proof.
4 piercings cherry feel the pain

[10 Sep 2007|03:57pm]
ObSESSED!! Fer truez!! Ignoring Jason's recent, I can't have any more slings or wraps or anything, I decided to keep looking. This ring sling I'm scoping now, it's 150 on sale. It's to die for!!! Brown silk and peacock!! Omg, I love it too much, why can't I be a millionaire?? Or at least have a job so I can be as frivolous as I want with my earnings?? He said if I could find one for 80 dollars he would get it for me, but I know I can't find it for 80. It's originally 180!! SAD! Oo my heart!!
2 piercings cherry feel the pain

[10 Sep 2007|12:25pm]
Last night before my midnight escape, Jason and I had been eating chocolate in bed. He was putting some in my mouth as I was holding the baby, and I thought a little piece dropped. I searched for it the best I could and never found it. A little while later, I was thinking about it. Okay, sometimes while Ocean is asleep, he searches for the boob and opens his mouth wide and jumps for the boob. It's adorable, like a little shark. I was thinking, what if he's laying down, does his shark bite thing on the bed, and gets a morsel of chocolate. Then he'll think he'll get chocolate everytime he does that and I had this vision of my little man sleeping, and attacking the sheets with his mouth in hopes of getting more chocolate. It is just hilarious, it still has me cracking up. This little shark boy going NUM NUM NUM and biting the sheet each time he does so. LMAO

Maybe you had to be there.
cherry feel the pain

[10 Sep 2007|12:36am]
I snuck out of bed and have to sneak back before Ocean wakes up, in tunr waking up Jason. Even though Jason has been off all weekend, Ocean has been really fussy and who better to cure his every ailment than mommy?? BUt it's all good. Ocean has a tooth coming in. I don't know how long it takes to actually come through, but you can see it through the gums, and you can feel it too. I'm guessing that is what is keeping him cranky and crying at random moments. I'm trying my hardest to sooth him, but I don't know what to do for him. I've read frozen washclothes and breastmilk frozen can help out, but I haven't actualyl tried either. I bought a new pack of washclothes and have one in the freezer but Ocean has been asleep since I put it in so no chance to see if it helps.
5 piercings cherry feel the pain

[06 Sep 2007|01:37pm]
Ocean is 4 months old today. How fast time flies! You know, 4 months ago, my son had been born and I still hadn't seen him yet. How sad.

The boy is getting a tooth. He is fussy all the time, don't know if it's because of the tooth or not. How long until it pops out?? My mom says it should be very soon, but I've heard it could be on the brink for a long time. Here's hoping it comes sooner rather than later. He eats for only minutes at a time now. I've been pumping bottles so he can eat, and he's pretty good at taking the bottle, but stays on boobies for only minutes, except at night.
cherry feel the pain

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